Christmas Bean and Turkey Pies

So my dad's wife is not a big meat eater, so like last year, this Christmas will be a pescetarian affair. For a glutton like me, this is kind of a big deal, so I'm going to try and get as much stodgy traditional yule time fare before the main event so I won't feel like I'm missing out.
What, what I ask you is more festive and Christmassy than baked beans? You know, when I get home from school, I ask mum 'What's for tea?' and she goes 'Heinz Baked Beans' 'cos they're the beans for me! I love beans, not enough to try making them myself or anything, but enough to buy this ridiculous recipe book.
I might have mentioned this before, but the boyfriend hates overly sweet food. The bird he was with before he met me blew her chances at life long happiness by serving him pasta baked with mango chutney and turkey pieces. He had two bites, made his excuses and disappeared into the night. In light of this, maybe it's a subconscious message from me that it's time for us to call it a day when I get the compelling urge to serve him turkey baked with sweet tomatoey beans and cranberry sauce. We've had a good run, but enough is enough. Lets see what happens!
Look at all this crap, are you drooling already at the prospect of putting all these condiments together?
I mix everything in a bowl and start having second thoughts. No wonder he left that girl, this is really gross! FYI my pulling dish was Thai Green Chicken Curry - which he loved - and that's how to keep your man, ladies.
Result: Christmas Bean and Turkey Pies, best served with your hand, straight into the bin.

OK, well not really, but very nearly. The taste is just so unpleasant that no amount of cider will fix it. I ended up draining my portion in Tabasco.
The pastry was fine, obviously, since I had no hand in making it. But somehow all the other ingredients conspire to blend to the point of canceling out any flavour at all. You can't taste the cranberry, which is a plus, but you don't get a taste of anything until you bite into a piece of turkey - which turns out to be revolting. You know how turkey tends to be really dry at the best of times? Well that should be the first hint to not overcook it. Having said that , I'm not sure if having fresh turkey inside would have improved it any. Maybe a combination of freshly roasted turkey, home made cranberry sauce, a dash of spices and no baked beans would have been better.
Experiment fail! There are just some things that you are not meant to eat baked beans with. I'll stick to having mine on lobster thermidor, thanks.