Roti de Cabillaud a la Sauge

Back at my place, I decided to try something out of Stephane Reynaud's Rotis for our own Christmas roast. I've been getting overexcited about this book ever since I was in Borders last week and put a copy under my coat and ran off with it down the street laughing manically the whole way... Of course not! I got if for half price, which practically felt like theft.
I love the way this book is laid out, there is one page entitled How Would You Like Your Roast Beef Cooked? the options are Rare, Medium, and Very Rare! What if I like it Medium/Well? Tough tits. Here are also suggestions for the most appropriate meat to roast each day - Monday is beef, Tuesday is veal, Wednesday is poultry, Thursday is pork, Friday is fish (lets not forget that France is a Catholic country! I love that scene in Heaven Know Mr. Allison where Robert Mitchum tells Deborah Kerr that Catholics in the Navy get called Mackerel Snappers on that account - ouch! Your mum.), Saturday is lamb, Sunday lunch is game and Sunday dinner is all the leftovers. I wonder how long I would have to be on this diet before I developed gout, but wouldn't be able to roll out of bed to go to the doctor because of how fat I'd gotten. Anyway, everything in moderation.
Here's a fun fact about sage, I've never really cooked with it but I know it's got a sort of medicinal smell and flavour, well apparently it's recently been illegalized in Russia because people have been making psychotropic drugs out of it! And here was I dropping acid when all along I had the thing right in my fridge! Well not quite, I had to go to 4 different supermarkets and a greengrocer to find my little bunch, not sure if there's a connection. It was the same story when I was trying to find a hit of, I mean purchase, chanterelle mushrooms, I could only score 100g and had to bulk it up with oysters and shitakes (that's street slang for 'all mushrooms taste the same anyway').
Would anyone eat swede if it was know universally as rutabaga? Once cooked they look almost like nice chips, but a closer look reveals their true fiborous nature. You lay the parboiled faux-chips and sauteed mushrooms in a baking tray, along with 12 leaves of the illicit herb and spring onions, and place lightly seared cod filles on top. I know it's pretty unethical to be eating cod, but to be honest we were all suffering from salmon ennui, and this is the only sizeable alternative the fishmonger could offer us. And also, cod tastes really really good. I bought an entire one, managed to just about fillet it myself and made stock out of the bones to make myself look really economical.
Result: Maybe you can just about see peeping out from the corner the swede and remains of mushrooms. Well the cod was gorgeous, it melted in the mouth but was still firm and juicy, the mushrooms were rubbery and bitter (undercooked, you idiot!), and the biggest complaint in regard to the swede was that I hadn't done anything to disguise it's natural flavour and it positively reeked of swede. Well that's it, thank God there was pudding for pudding, otherwise it might safely be said that I had RUINED CHRISTMAS!

Christmas Pudding Update

Well, it was delicious. We steamed for about 2 hours and it came out very moist and moreish. The criticism I have of shopbought puddings is that they tend tobe too dry, too sweet and full of crap that I don't like. If you think you don't like pudding, try making your own, it's pretty easy and you don't have to think a year or 6 months in advance, mine only matured for a month.
This is the boyfriend's living room, by the way - I had two Christmases this year hahahahahaha

Gravadlax

I love smoked salmon, I could eat it for breakfast - have something else for lunch - and then have some more smoked salmon for dinner, maybe, as part of a bigger meal, you know what I mean! Anyway, I like it, yeah?
I don't have the money or the equipment to actually be able to live the lifestyle described above, but Gravadlax is probably a suitable alternative. I have a great-great-aunt, my oldest relative, but still under 100, who makes the besteset, most melt in the mouth version of it. Who the hell knows what her secret is, for all I know she buys it in, every time I've asked her she replies with a peal of giggles and mumbles something about some salt and sugar and a few days in the fridge. Then she sits back, watches you inhale her creation, has a shot or two of cognac and asks when I'm going to get married. Maybe this is some kind of special fetishistic singles bashing, she'll give me the recipe when I have a man to prepare it for. Bitch. (obviously not!)
There's another bookshop going out of business near my office, it was a real mess in there and all the good cookbooks were gone, but I found this generic looking Fish & Seafood for a few pounds and decided to give it a good home. It looks like a childrens book, there's a hole in the front cover! You can see scales through it, scales like a fish has! Well anyway, that's enough excitement for now, fun is fun but let's be serious for a minute.
I've had to use my imagination to a certain extent with this recipe, I only have half the amount of salmon, and what exactly is white pepper? I've seen it in old ladies houses at the back of the cupboard, reserved for throwing into burglars eyes. So I'm using black, black like my heart.
I halved all the other ingredients, wrapped it up nice and pretty, threw it in the fridge. And now we play the waiting game...
Result:It's three days later, I've felt like a prisoner, tied to the fridge (so you know, not too bad), I had to turn this baby around every 12 hours, so no going out galivanting and painting the town red. Nevermind, here's the big payoff!
The first bite was very salty and seriously peppery, but the fattier pieces near the skin are almost perfect. Yeah, too much salt, foiled again! I'll get you yet, Penguin!

Incidentally, this is what my brother made with some of the leftover pieces of salmon - probably won't make it onto the Christmas table.

Swedish Salmon

How do you solve a problem like buttloads of salmon?
My dad's wife doesn't eat too much meat so I've been looking for a nice fish to take centre stage on our Christmas table. Salmon is the biggest affordable fish, and we've got one this week, so I've been experimenting.
This Nigella Express was bought by a friend of mine to take with her to University. Emboldened by her father's spiel that he apparently learned to cook while he was living on his own for the first time in student digs, she assumed that she too would blossom and flourish when left to her own devices and return home an accomplished chef. This is the best example of why you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover that I can think of. Go to a library, flick through this thing and tell me what student you know has a fish kettle, and who in their right mind would spend their time and book/drinking money searching out baby pak choi in a remote Northern town. This book was worse than useless, it was actually a little insulting. Martini Olives anyone?
So anyway, she flung it my way in disgust. To be fair, there isn't anything too elaborate about any of these recipes, but Nigella isn't selling the recipes, she's selling a lifestyle. Inside the dustjacket is a panoramic shot of the contents of her larder, full of imported, essential preserves and condiments - The Boyfriend just looked over at me and asked what the hell I'm rolling my eyes at - uff. Ok, lets pretend I'm a millionaire.

I chopped the tail end of the salmon off to use in another recipe, but kept the tail which together with the top half of the body just fit in my biggest metal roasting tin (I refuse to buy a fish kettle on principle!). You cover it with water shove dill and a few condiments in the cavity, and surround the fish with spring onions. Bring to the boil, cover and simmer for a few minutes and then let it sit around and cool overnight. Wait, what? That's right, if you want to have it for lunch you should start making it the day before, if you plan on having it for dinner, well then, you better get your lazy ass up early in the morning! I didn't do either of those, and resolved, albeit with a heavy heart, to have it warm, in an hour or so.
I made the dressing, watched half an episode of Mad Men (oh I am so totally Joan, like you wouldn't believe), boiled a few potatoes and answered incessant questions along the lines of 'Where's my dinner? When can we eat? I can see it sitting there on the counter, it's not even doing anything! Why can't we eat it now? I'm hungry!' Not doing anything? It's infusing! *probably* I can't imagine Nigella has to deal with this kind of crap, in her house everybody's probably too busy getting buzzed up on Prosecco to notice what the food is doing.
Result: I lifted the salmon out of the liquid carefully, scraped all the flesh off and 'arranged' the pink mess on the nicest platter we had with a few drizzles of sauce on top. It was amazing, incredible, perfect and so easy! I was under absolutely no pressure and didn't even have to swear once (take that, Floating Islands!). It tasted of salmon with a slight scent of spring onion coming through, obviously. I had been worried about not having enough seasoning in the stock, but it was perfect. The dressing was hot and peppery from the mustard but cool at the same time - it really tied the room together... And the leftovers were even better the next day. I just have to wonder why in the world would Nigella give away family recipes like this!

Floating Islands

Not a good week at work. Pretty stressful, and Friday was the worst. Some dude in the office had a birthday and I had to go across town to collect the cake, taking it back to the office on the Tube was a nightmare. I gave up my seat for a Little Old Lady (LOL) and that's when the fun started, crazy people shoving me and flashing their bum cracks. Obviously mid day on a Friday is the best time to go Christmas shopping. And who knew that December was the best time of year for skinny jeans and ironic cropped t-shirts. For a guy!
So you know, by the time I got home I was a broken woman. Even a few rounds of my typical Family Friday game of 'How Much Will You Give Me To Drink This Whole Bottle Of...' with my brother didn't do much to cheer me up, so finally I've had to resort to this -

A girl at work lent me Larousse Gastronomique with a specific recommendation to make Floating Islands. Tell me it doesn't look intimidating! This is not so much a cook book as an encyclopedia of virtually every dish and cooking technique ever. I've seen this baby in a few bookshops, but have always been a little too shy to buy, but hopefully this recipe with it's total of 4 ingredients won't present me with too much difficulty.
First, the islands. I'm not going to put up recipes anymore as I'm assuming that eventually it will get me into some kind of copyright trouble, so I'll have to describe the process in more detail.

So, unlike my usual way of making meringues you are instructed to whip the egg whites and fold the sugar in afterwards, um... okaaay? Next poach in boiling milk and drain on a clean kitchen cloth. If you scroll down a bit you'll see that my 'islands' are under attack from some kind of Biblical plague of locusts - that's the vanilla seeds that escaped from the pod into the milk. Nice. I couldn't be bothered to crack the glass of my scanner by heaving this cinder block of a book on to it, but trust me when I say that it's not supposed to look like that in the proper one. Nevermind, right? Onwards and upwards?
I've attempted making my own custard (Creme Anglaise, whatever tomato/tomato) once and it turned out more akin to scrambled eggs. What made me think I could do it this time? (Just for the record, it doesn't say anywhere in the recipe that you should drink a bottle of Courvoisier before you start).
Result: Well the crystal dish looks nice, right? The floating balled up Kleenex, I mean islands, taste like egg whites. The sugar didn't take, and neither did the taste of vanilla, plus they collapsed into pathetic, quivering blobs, whereas in the book each is a handsome puffy orb, drizzled delicately with caramel.
I didn't make any caramel to pour lovingly on top of this mess because the magnolia paint, I mean Creme Anglaise, that is supporting this science experiment was insanely, ridiculously sweet. To be fair the taste wasn't bad at all, it was just the texture. Eager to avoid the mistake I made on my other, and only attempt of thickening sauce with egg, I over whisked the bastard and instead of thickening to a lovely pouring consistency it separated into some kind of flavoured whipped air on top and stupid, yellow milk on the bottom.

Annie, next time you describe something as 'delicious, and so easy!' make sure you're referring to making toast or munching on an apple or something, deal?

Christmas pudding

I'm going to depart from my self imposed format for this one post, you see, the thing is, it's a matter of Christmas Pudding. The boyfriend has finally come out and told me that this is the only aspect of Christmas dinner he looks forward to, and saves room for. I've never heard of such a thing, I mean, ewww pudding, but this is the man I love so my present to him this year is to take him seriously.
No one recipe I found seemed to hit the right note with me. I've never made Christmas pudding before but I wanted to make it really special in case this was the first and only time, and this is going to be an amalgam of every recipe I currently have (and what I saw of Delia's Christmas Special the other night).

The contenders are, Good Housekeeping's Menus circa 1954, this was a birthday present, and despite the year, it's not as old fashioned as I though it might be, there's no MSG or anything like that. The oddest ingredient called for in most recipes in margarine, which I don't think is for sale in the UK anymore. Apparently margarine can be substituted for suet in a Christmas pudding - no thanks. Another ingredient deemed necessary is gravy browning, lets just say Good Housekeeping's pudding looks like a turd (I'll post a picture comparing it with mine)

Winter Puddings from the Cordon Bleu Cookery School was published in 1977 and is part of a whole set of mini books. I also have their Soups and Starters and am totally desperate for Memorable Meals and Cooking from Abroad. I always assumed Cordon Bleu to be concerned with predominantly French food, but by definition winter puddings are British fare, so Spotted Dicks and Apple Hats all round. Their recipe looks a little bland and is conspicuous by the absence of hard booze, the first suggested liquid is milk. Thanks grandma.

And I think we all know what to expect from Nigella Christmas. There's more sugar than flour here, plus honey, plus VODKA! And also bizarrely, no nuts. She also recommends making a 3 pint pudding, not to eat, but to look at. But out of all the books she is the only one who suggests leaving the mixture to infuse overnight (Delia too, of course), and also to soak the dried fruit in alcohol. I wonder if anyone has ever eaten a Christmas pudding sober.

So, the ingredients I used (and didn't take a picture of, you're just going to have to take my word for it) were

-a 500g bag of mixed dried fruits which I think was made up of raisins, currants and sultanas, although what is the big difference between the three?

-mixed peel, from a tub, not freshly made - sorry Delia

-200ml of Captain Morgan rum to soak them in. I managed about 30 minutes, but thanks for the 1 week suggestion Nigella, I'll consider that next time I want to make prison wine. (this is what the bottle looked like after the boyfriend and I finished... cooking)

-some pistachios and walnuts because the boyfriend likes nuts, despite almond being the only recommended nut (I don't want to hear any of that crap about almonds being fruit).

-stem ginger in syrup, for no reason at all other than getting carried away in the dried fruit department of the supermarket. Which is also the reason for...

-dried and maraschino cherries

-prunes, I'm getting quite a taste for them, and because Nigella said so

-dried Sweet William pears. OK, the jig is up, my boyfriend's name just happens to be William. Awww sweet! Don't all puke in your mouths at once.

-plain flour and white breadcrumbs - boring

-vegetarian suet left over from the Bacon Roly Poly, mmmmmmm

-a grated apple and a grated carrot. Good Housekeeping suggests either one, but I was intrigued by the carrot and wanted the two to fight it out inside the pud.

-3 eggs. 3 eggs to rule them all, 3 eggs to find them. 3 eggs to guide them all, and in the darkness bind them! (special nerd points if you know what the hell I'm talking about)

-light brown sugar, because I don't like muscavado and the whole thing was beginning to look pretty sweet to me already

-ground allspice, which I'm going to assume is the same as mixed spice

-ground cinnamon

-vanilla essense, thanks Good Housekeeping!

-ground nutmeg, along with several slices of my knuckle as I was grating it. Everybody always makes a big stink about the superiority of grinding it yourself as opposed to buying it all ready and prepared, so I guess they expect you to sprinkle your food with blood and curses! Incidentally, did you know that nutmeg is a psychotropic drug and that chomping down a couple of nuts can give you a pretty heavy high? Apparently several people a year have to be taken to the hospital to be treated for the effects of nutmeg overdose! I'm serious, this is not Captain Morgan talking!

-the rind and juice of one lemon, because I was getting all carried away with the excitement of the thing and wanted to put more and more ingredients in

-a pinch of salt

Also to go in were two silver coins which had been soaking in Coke and vinegar overnight to 'disinfect' them? Or something...

The bowl with the mixture stood in the corner and thought about what it had done over night, and in the morning I bounced to work and left the boyfriend with very particular steaming instructions, all 6 hours worth of them. I kept calling throughout the day to double check that he put a pleat in the foil cover before tying it down to let the steam expand it, and that he was checking that the water hadn't boiled away, and that he was washing the dishes, hoovering and doing my laundry as well. There must have been something wrong with his phone because it kept going dead every time right about after he said "Shut up and leave me alone" or "I'm not your maid". Strange.

It turned out that there was too much mixture for the bowl I had so we ended up making two large puds and two little ones which I'm going to give away as presents to people I want to potentially poison on Christmas day.
This is what the pretty little ones look like now that I've wrapped them all up nice and tidy

And this is what the big ugly one that my family will be enjoying looks like.

I'll post results on Christmas day after we steam it again and eat it, but at the moment it's maturing under my bed and giving off the most amazing orangey, rummy deep aroma. Just hope it doesn't go mouldy before the big day...