Saffron Kulich

Well it's Easter time! And naturally, since I'm Russian, I am making the traditional Orthodox Kulich, which is a kind of cake, I suppose.
To be honest I don't have much of a choice, the recipe is from this publication I picked up at the airport the last time I was in Moscow, ominously titled "Calendar of the Orthodox Housewife: Lenten and Modest Meals for Every Day In Accordance With The Holy Church", it's set out almost like a calendar with one or two recipes for every day. This is not only seasonal and observant of the mandates of Orthodoxy, but also eliminates any indecision and allows you to plan your meals... a year in advance.
Did I mention that my step-grandmother is staying with us for a couple of weeks? Well needless to say everyone is totally psyched with the whole Easter thing so this ended up being a team effort. Here's a story in pictures... and words.
Here's the business, raisins to be soaked in rum (yum) overnight, and this is also my first ever time working with yeast.
The prep work extended into the living room.
The messiest the kitchen has ever been.
This is the one where I almost fell of the chair I was standing on to take the picture. I started helping after that.
The recipe calls for 10 egg yolks, so while the dough was rising for an hour I decided to make meringues.
Mine on the right, my brother's on the left. Mine are obviously better.

Result: OK, so since the prep work took such a long time, and the dough had to be left to rise twice, by the time it was ready for the oven, it was way past midnight. Everyone went to bed, I put in an episode of Gossip Girl, and waited the recommended 40 minutes 'without opening the oven door, or the kulich won't rise'. So what result do you think I got? It was burned, of course!
Burned and hard as a rock on the outside (but cooked really well on the inside, obviously). Here's what it's supposed to look like, by the way
And here's what ours looked like.
Was it entirely my fault? Maybe. Did the whole 'too many chefs in the kitchen' thing have an effect? Possibly. Did I finally rectify the situation but totally buying a delicious substitute from an Italian Deli the next day? Sure, why not.

Interesting News

I haven't been in a cooking mood for a while, I'm actually contemplating a big cooking project in the near future and need to do quite a bit of research for it, so I've had my nose in a book - instead of my usual feed bag - for the past week. more on that later, but here's something interesting I came along recently. A headline in the New Scientist reads "Cookbook threat to fish" and cites a study into the evolving topography of fish dishes in cookbooks from 1885 to 2007 and measures shifts in trend according to the trophic level of the fish used - a measure of how high the fish is up in the food chain. The basic outline is:
Level 1: Plants and algae that make their own food, primary producers
Level 2: Herbivores that eat plants, primary consumers
Level 3: Carnivores that eat herbivores, secondary consumers
Level 4: Carnivores that eat other carnivores, tertiary consumers
Level 5: Apex predators, who are at the top of the food chain

Each fish presumably has it's own level within the system, starting off at 2.00 for clams, mussels and all that junk and going all the way to around 4.58 for marlin. Overall they found that the average trophic level rose from 2.92 things like (sardines) to 3.40 (mackerel and flounder), it doesn't seem like a king's feast or anything but that's just the average, they found increasing numbers of recipes for things like tuna and cod (around 4.20), what they call aspirational fish. If you had a choice between munching sardines out of the can for dinner or a cod and chips you would obviously choose the latter, but the 0.15 change in trophic levels has a huge impact on the ecosystem. It's funny, I would have thought Richie Rich would be shoveling down oysters and lobster, but I suppose firm fleshed fish is more accessible. I did my own totally unscientific research in to this (under the title "I Have Too Much Time On My Hands") and here's what I found.
First stop is my tatty copy of Good Housekeeping's Menus from 1954, this is about as aspirational as it's gets for the time, coupling in one volume recipes for guest-impressing dishes like Souffle Surprise! with practical tips on how to use the latest kitchen gadgets, such as a fridge. Most fish recipes here call for nondescript 'cooked white fish' to shape into balls or stuff something with, salmon is called for as an alternative to trout - not the other way round, and there are numerous recipes for roes and sardines. The onus in this book is very much on meat, and most of the fish dishes are cooked in such a way as to conceal much of the flavour. Very sensible, hearty dishes.
Next is Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking from 1961. French food, as we all know, is the most sophisticated fare, something us plebs can only drool about in our sleep, presented here for the rube housewives who want to recreate the magic at home. Child followed this with a TV series which made the experience less daunting. And what are we cooking? There's an entire chapter on fish, but it's shorter than the individual chapters for meat, poultry, eggs, vegetables, and even sauces. The most prevalent contenders are lobsters, scallops and the famous 'white fish' with preference being given to sole. Fresh and canned salmon and tuna also seem to interchangeable and almost an afterthought. Oh la la! OK, back into the time machine.
Hey, it's 1989, my excuse for skipping almost 20 years is that I'm looking into one of Keith Floyd's later books, an anthology of his collected wisdom. Whilst it features a lot of firm British favorites like herring and 'cooked white fish', it begins to veer towards things like sashimi and other exotics picked up from around the world. There's an obvious correlation between colonialism and food imports, but once places in Europe and the Far East become typical holiday spots as well, demand for non local delicacies soars. And it's all Keith Floyd's fault!
Lastly I'm going to look through my most recent acquisition, The Vicar's Wife's Cookbook, 2009. To me this seems like the most typical modern lifestyle book. Written by a smart Londoner who somehow ended up as a housewife with nothing to do but learn how to cook for her family, this is cautious and safe but in a diametrically opposite way to it's 1954. 'White fish' is replaced by expensive, meaty, flash fried halibut, tuna and haddock. Instead of challenging flavours like sardine, eel and mackerel, disguised with other ingredients and overcooking, the shift is towards blander, larger fish that can more closely resemble 'safer' protein sources like chicken or whatever. There are far more meat recipes than fish in this book.

The conclusion from this selection would seem to be that tastes have changed, duh. Enough proselytizing.

Bresaola Update

This weekend, my ugly caterpillar is making it's final step in the journey to become a beautiful butterfly (or even uglier moth, only time will tell).
After another week in the fridge, curing in the salt, sugar herbs and spices, the beef yielded another 100ml worth or liquid which was much lighter and clearer than the first lot. I took the meat out, washed the remnants of rosemary, thyme and pepper (which smelled amazing, by the way) off under the tap and left on a plate uncovered to dry/rest/whatever. The colour is a lot grayer than it would have been had I succumbed to the saltpeter propaganda, but the meat is very firm, dense and doesn't smell bad (as if that's any kind of indicator of anything!)
After weeks of searching I finally found a cheap, frost free cooler to use as a 'curing chamber' which will hopefully produce some kind of a controlled environment. I set the fridge's setting to minimum - warmer than the average fridge, but cooler than room temp - and will have to open the door every day to ventilate. And while my kinbaku skills are nothing to be admired, the meat is hung and will hopefully be ok for the next 3 weeks.

Big Chunk Fresh Apple Pie

Well boys and girls, it's Pi Day today, no Mr Spellcheck not Pie Day, Pi as in 3.14, dig? Like how it's the 14th day of the 3rd month? Get it? Yeah and it was also Mother's Day, and Einstein's birthday and all that kind of stuff, but who cares.
I could have spent the day watching Pi the film and measuring circles, but decided to do something almost as challenging, namely deciphering the most elaborate pie recipe ever, instead.
Shirley O'Corriher is a scientist turned cookbook author who explains the chemical reasons why your sauce won't thicken, your roast chicken won't brown and your souffle flops, I was drawn to this book when a website reviewer promised that this was my path to faultless dishes. When I finally received the thing I was a little disappointed by the frankly, old fashioned grandma's selection of dishes offered and the insanely lengthy complicated processeses. This apple pie recipe, for example, comfortably spans almost four pages, and that's just the filling (the suggested crust is another three). But if you know me at all, you'll know that this is just the kind of masochism I relish, oh yeah baby, it hurts so good.
Look how many ingredients there are! I've made apple pie before, but that was just apples sugar and water - idiot, this one boast two different kids of sugar and suggests a mix of four different kinds of nuts (I could only muster two).
Overall the recipe is fairly straightforward in a pedantic kind of way. My hand still hurts from peeling and coring 10 apples, quartering, cutting each quarter into three slices, and chopping them in half. This is the kind of recipe that separates the maniacs from the rest of us, or us maniacs from the rest of them, halfway through I had a vision of smashing each apple with a hammer instead. But the biggest problem I had was with the whole US/Metric measurements thing. I hate the idea of measuring ingredients in cups. I know there's a standardized cup size American cooks use, but I think that's ridiculously inefficient. Some websites offer to convert cups to grams, but since, for example, a cup of Uranium is bound to weigh more than a cup of feathers, this would hardly work with something as precise as baking is meant to be. And FYI, swearing and cursing did not solve the problem like I thought it would. In the end I converted everything to tablespoons.
So, 24 (yeah TWENTY FOUR!) tablespoons of sugar go in, stir stir stir, mix mix mix and voila!
Result: I made a very simple unsweetened shortcrust pastry to temper the anticipated sweetness which did not come. This pie is amazingly delicious. It's rich without being too dense or heavy, the flavours of apple cinnamon and nutmeg are suspended in a thick nutty jelly (maybe too nutty, or maybe not). There's a slight Christmas mincemeat look and feel to this filling, but with a far more pleasing taste and texture. I guess I'm not that hot on describing taste, but lets just say I'm reclassifying this recipe from grandma's old hat to classic.

Fresh Crab Canneloni

A new discount bookshop has opened near my office and naturally all the cookbooks on offer are great deals that I totally need.
The Vicar's Wife's Cookbook is one of those things that most home cooks aspire to produce. The legend goes that Elisa Beynon was shopping and saw an offer of a publishing deal in the supermarket magazine, she sent in a few recipes and won. The result is a collection of comprehensive family recipes, geared towards entertaining surprise visitors. Um, there's a section in the back that suggests waht to make for a funeral party. Thanks?
She's inspired by Nigella Lawson and it shows, except she's a lot warmer and less vulgar - good thing she's a vicar's wife, I guess. Its not aspirational, but peppered with personal anecdotes that make you feel like a creepy old man peeping in the curtains. Anyway, here we go
I couldn't face another murder scene so bought canned crab this time, for frugality Beynon suggests the option of substituting canned tuna or salmon, but that sounds rank. Oh, and I bought actual canneloni instead of getting lasagna sheets and rolling them up - whatever that means.
This is probably the most amount of ingredients I've assembled for one dish, but actually it's incredibly straightforward, sort of, if you like having lots of washing up to do, like 4 pans!
Result: Pretty good, everybody liked it, the crab flavour made it though the thick cheese sauce (which I made perfectly, by the way), and the overly sweet tomato sauce, there was no need for the sugar.
The book describes this as an alternative Sunday lunch, and it's just as much effort as making a roast, took two freaking hours! This isn't gourmet stuff, but I want to make almost every other recipe in this book.

Duck Prosciutto Update - Result

OK, I came home very late, cos you know, Tuesday is the new Friday, just say thank you I came home at all! My one goal before collapsing in bed for a refreshing four hour nap was to take down the duck prosciutto and finally unwrap and taste my home made delicacy. Here's what the breasts looked like.
I could tell right away that I used too much pepper, the smell really hit me in the face when I peeled back the muslin and was almost enough to sober me up.
One of the problems of not having a dedicated curing chamber that is mentioned in the book and on various blogs is that if the humidity levels aren't controlled there is a risk of the outside drying out faster than the center. This may have very well happened, but beats me if I can tell properly! The outside has turned into a firm dark crust that began crumbling when I started cutting in to it on the bias like the book suggests. The inside is a lighter softer pink, but not altogether squishy and raw.
The first piece I tried was almost entirely pepper, like a salt and pepper flavoured Kettle chip. The crust was hard and chewy like jerky but that may have had something to do with the fact that I didn't slice it thinly enough. The second piece was duck, all duck with it's gamey, rich, meaty flavour. I'm not sure if this is what the final product is supposed to taste like, but in order to eat this you really need to like duck. I thought I did! In Chinese restaurants and cooked properly this is usually a treat, but the almost raw flavour of whatever product I ended up with was pretty challenging. I'll try and find a recipe to use it up, or someone to feed it to, I guess. Goodnight.

Bresaola Update

Here's what it looks like after a week.
It's smaller, firm and gray (of course, what other colour could it possible be). There's a few tablespoons of liquid which I poured off before rubbing fresh spices on and returning to the fridge for another week. Don't say what it really looks like, just concentrate on the garden, lovely garden.
Oh and the duck should be ready tomorrow.

Duck Prosciutto Update

Ok well yeah I know it's a Tuesday, but I still think I should make a point of telling you that instead of going out to have a crazy good time tonight (on a school night!) I dutifully went home to hang up the duck prosciutto. Square!
So this is what it looks like fresh out of the salt tomb:
To be honest I'm not convinced... The book says that they're meant to be firm but only the flesh side is, the fat is still pretty malleable. Apparently this method is as fool proof as it gets, well, let me just say, no offence, but those guys really didn't have any idea what kind of an extra fool they were dealing with. Sorry Ruhlman.
Oh an by the way, what's white pepper? I always thought it was one of those things at the back of your cupboard reserved for throwing in the eyes of burglars...
I tied the breasts up in the most Gwyneth-Paltrow/Sheakspear-In-Love way I could manage and hung them up in the spare room. Out of all the contestants, attic, space under the stairs, garage, the spare room finally won by sheer merit of being the most convenient for my layzeeass to access.
According to my bullshit-o-meter the temperature is perfect once I open the window, but the humidity is around 10% too low (I call it the bullshit-o-meter because I still don't completely trust a machine that only springs into action once you shake it. Snowglobe technology went out, man)
OK, those things look totally like Strange Fruit Hanging From The Poplar Trees, I gagged in my mouth a little when I was hanging them up. The big blue dish is full of the salt I used in the curing, dissolved in water, I read somewhere that this helps to increase humidity. The trick is to apparently keep adding salt until it won't dissolve anymore. If it's too dry, the outside dries and the inside rots. Who's hungry after that?

Bresaola and Duck Prosciutto

So just in case anyone was wondering, I'm not totally lazy, I haven't stopped cooking, and I haven't made anyone sick yet (although that may be about to change...)
I've imposed some rather strict rule for myself to follow, only to cook from books, and it has become increasingly difficult to ignore the wealth of culinary information available from other sources - namely, the internet. In the last week I made:

-The best carrot cake ever, ohmygodohmygodohmygod! Even my pathetic baking skills couldn't mess this up
http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/4425/carrot-cake

-Octopus terrine, so beautiful, delicious, and easy. Totally worth the £25 I paid for a giant octopus (even though the fishmonger tried to persuade me not to take it!)
http://www.cuisine.com.au/recipe/Octopus_terrine

-Hugh's curried goat, took all fricking day, but made me very popular
http://www.channel4.com/food/recipes/chefs/hugh-fearnley-whittingstall/curry_goat_p_1.html

-Madhur's mango curry, I hate mango(because it tastes like onions to me), but this was amazing
http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/database/mangocurry_5073.shtml

-I also tried and failed to make kale chips, nothing wrong with the recipe, but something wrong with my head for leaving them in the oven to burn while I watched Gilmore Girls (nothing wrong with my head for watching Gilmore Girls though)
http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/vegetable/recipe-kale-chips-068449

Anyway, I'm back now, and I've decided that what I really need is a project, something challenging that will teach me a new skill and impress the pants off of everyone I know. And after I learn how to tap dance I'll tell you how I got on with the old bresaola and duck prosciutto (hahahahaha, you see, that was a joke. Whan someone makes a joke, you're supposed to laugh otherwise you just make yourself look bad, get it?)

I bought Ruhlman and Poleyn's Charcuterie because I saw it mentioned on a few blogs as the ultimate introduction to preserving meat. I always linger around the deli counters drooling over all the interesting continental produce and of course homemade is best! (this is where the making people sick part comes in)
Despite the big seemingly useless garden - apple tree, who needs you! - I am pretty far away from getting any kind of a smokehouse, which leaves me to play with all the air dried recipes in the book, most of which call for Curing Salt #2, commonly known as Pink Salt, saltpetre or sodium nitrate. This can be a carcinogen when heated so I'm not really into eating any of it, but it does prevent cured meat from developing botulism bacteria. After weighing up the risks of either cancer in twenty years or instant death, I finally decided not to add any to my meats, this is a personal choice that I discussed with my family, we believe that risk is so small as to be almost nonexistent, and I definitely won't be sharing any of the produce with anyone else. The majority of domestic botulism outbreaks are found in improperly canned food, not cured meat, anyway. However, don't take my advice under any circumstances, nobody's holding a gun to your head! (or you could always do the mouse neutralization test, good luck getting a petshop to sell you mouse though, sicko)
So, lets start with the bresaola. I forgot to put sugar in this picture, and almost forgot to put it in the cure. Bad, stupid girl, one day I'll learn how to read properly!
You blend all the herbs and spices, rub the meat all over, put it in a plastic food bag in the fridge and leave it for a week, then take it out, pour off the liquid that has collected, add more cure and leave in the fridge for another week. Then rince, dry and hang in a cool humid palce for 3 weeks.
As you can see I had a pretty small piece of beef. *SOMEBODY* bought the wrong cut and anfter all the fat and sinew was trimmed away there wasn't a lot left. There is a lot of confusing information floating around regarding the optimal cure ingredients (or marinade in some cases), the time it takes, and weight of the meat, but I'm pretty sure that this piece is a but too small. We'll see.
Also, I bought a stupid little gizmo to tell me the temperature and humidity of all the rooms in my house so that I can find the best place to hang this bad boy, and I'm frankly just too stupid to figure out how to work it, which is why I'm also making...

Duck Prosciutto!
This only takes 8 days to cure, so hopefully that will give me the chance to roadtest a couple of hanging spots before the beef comes out.
This recipe is a lot simpler, they boyfriend went to his local sexist, misogynistic butcher to get the duck breasts for me and I'm sure they shared some winks and sleazy grins, urgh. I far prefer the butcher near where I live, who looks at me like I'm crazy when I ask for gross disgusting bodyparts.
Check it out, that's a box and a half of salt covering the duck and it's still only half of the amount prescribed in the book. I didn't realise I was going to have to pawn my gold jewelry for salt money, sheesh!

Update on the duck tomorrow xoxo