Kartoshka Cake Pops

Yay! It's my birthday in a few days - this is definitely the year that I get that pony...
The boyfriend and I are having a little party and wanted to get a big ass cake to feed the mob we invited. There is a bakery near by our new flat so we casually sauntered in, all cool, like we knew what we were doing, and I told them what I wanted

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They told me that it was going to be both impossible and out of our price range - amateurs!
So I suppose I'll have to figure something else out.
Cupcakes are kind of old hat, and my new oven is too tiny to make them in significant amounts so I'm totally joining the newest new band wagon and going the cake pops route. A cake pop is a piece of cake, mushed together with icing, shaped into a ball and served on a lollypop stick. If that sound retarded that's because it is, but I'm going to use a Russian recipe for the best cake in the world, so should be fine.
I remember these little dumplings from when I was little, they're called Kartoshka, which means 'potato' because presumably calling a cake 'little shit' wasn't a very Communist thing to do. You basically bake a sponge cake, break it up into crumbs, mix in some condensed milk and cognac, form into 'potato' shapes (feel free to draw on 'sprouts' with whipped cream if you feel like it) and serve to little kids. If memory serves, three or four of these are meant to make you very drunk. I got the recipe from this book, good luck with that
I didn't take a picture of the cake because as soon as it came out of the oven and I put it on a wire rack to cool, the boyfriend came along and started cutting himself a slice in a very matter of fact way. Obviously I hit him over the head with the rock I always carry around, and then had to drag his lifeless body out of the door, down the stairs, across the road, and dump it in the canal behind the house. That took like 40 minutes, so by the time I came back and wiped all the blood off the floor, the cake was cool. I don't have a food processor yet so I used a cheese grater to crumble it. Here are the ingredients by the way
At this point you're meant to mix in some sweetened condensed milk, one cake should take about 3/4 of a tin. Or if you're feeling fancy you can cook it down into a dulce de leche, always very nice, or if you're in a really good mood you an use this amazing goat's milk dulce de leche. There are no words in the English language to describe how delicious this stuff is. It's sweet but also a little tangy from the goat's milk, and there is white wine in the ingredients list which adds a bit of sourness, this is probably the nicest thing I've ever put into my mouth. They boyfriend got it for me in a Mexican grocery store in Bethnal Green. I miss him so much...
You might also notice a bottle of genuine Armenian 5 star cognac in the background, trust me, that's the shit, those Frenchies don't really know what they're doing when it comes to alcohol. I ended up pouring in about a cup, trust me (again) that's the correct amount, if that seems like too much to you then get back to me when you grow a pair (I might also be interested in hearing from you when you grow a pear).
Form the mix into little balls and leave to firm up in the fridge overnight. This gives you enough time to call the police and confess, assure them that if he makes it he won't be pressing charges, visit him in the hospital and tell him that you hope he learned his lesson.
Result:
Here's the mugshot, OMG yummo. For the party I will dip them in melted chocolate and coat in sprinkles, but for now I'll enjoy them in the manner they were meant to be consumed - for breakfast, lunch and dinner!